{"id":91,"date":"2010-08-20T20:36:59","date_gmt":"2010-08-21T01:36:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lisaallen-agostini.com\/?p=91"},"modified":"2010-08-20T20:37:14","modified_gmt":"2010-08-21T01:37:14","slug":"it-came-from-the-skies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lisaallen-agostini.com\/?p=91","title":{"rendered":"Terror from the skies…!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I want to start a Society for the Extinction of Bats.<\/p>\n

Yup, you read that right.<\/p>\n

Extinction.<\/p>\n

As in, “Population: Zero.”<\/p>\n

I know everybody is all into conservation and all that. Whoever wants to conserve bats never had a couple of them living in their house.<\/p>\n

Well, to be fair to the bats–a big one and a little one; we call the big one Chester, ’cause he’s like a member of the family now, a hated, feared, avoided member of the family–they were here first. My new apartment spent many years as the semi-abandoned unfinished apartment under a family home. The backyard is the forest, so it’s no surprise that all manner of forest creatures, including a colony of fruit bats, made this their digs.<\/p>\n

Nevertheless, when construction started up for us to move in, most of the charming previous residents moved out.<\/p>\n

All except Chester and his little furry paramour. Chester seems to resent my presence here, I swear. Why else would he be going out of his way to terrorise me at night? Even as I write this I’m ducking and screaming as he zooms around between the kitchen and the bathroom, the two darkest areas of the house.<\/p>\n

My ten-year-old daughter reassures me regularly that Chester won’t hurt me. And my friend Gab<\/a> echoed her in saying, quite rightly, that unless I look like a giant fruit, Chester won’t be interested in biting me. Still. Have you ever come face to face with a small, furry animal hurtling towards you at eight miles an hour? Yeah. It’s like that. No night-time pee-er is safe. I won’t get out of bed for a glass of water anymore. My own kitchen scares me.<\/p>\n

The neighbours recommended incense. Annie<\/a> recommended loud dancehall music. Sharon<\/a> recommended putting up foil strips. They worked for a while, sorta. Now I think they just piss him off more. There’s bat poop on some of the foil. As if to say, “Here’s what I think of your little traps, Ma’am!” Gab has recommended moth balls. I’m going to get some. And a bat. A baseball bat. One small volley for Chester, a giant relief for Lisa.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I want to start a Society for the Extinction of Bats<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[38,36],"class_list":["post-91","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-editorial","tag-bats","tag-family"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lisaallen-agostini.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/91","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lisaallen-agostini.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lisaallen-agostini.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lisaallen-agostini.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lisaallen-agostini.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=91"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/lisaallen-agostini.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/91\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":96,"href":"https:\/\/lisaallen-agostini.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/91\/revisions\/96"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lisaallen-agostini.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=91"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lisaallen-agostini.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=91"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lisaallen-agostini.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=91"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}